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3 Tips for Getting Unstuck

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” Ayn Rand

We all have been in that place of feeling stuck at some point in our lives. You know, that place that feels as if there are few, if any options for relief. That place where no matter how many times we play it over and over in our minds, we keep ending up with the same outcome. It’s just stuck, plain stuck.

And it is a story. It’s the story we tell ourselves over and over. “I can’t travel, because I don’t have the money”, or “I couldn’t possibly go to that workshop, who would take care of the kids? Or “I’d love to start my own business, but at my age?” These are the stories we tell ourselves that keep us stuck-right where we are.

And until we STOP telling ourselves our stories, becoming really present with what is, and begin telling ourselves the truth-we will remain stuck forever. When you are feeling stuck a couple of questions you may want to consider are, “Who should be doing what differently?” and “Who is holding you back?” The answers might really surprise you.

Here are three strategies for getting yourself unstuck, or unhooked from your story…

1-Tell your truth

First you need to recognize when you feel stuck, that you are telling yourself a story. Get curious about the story-is it true? “I can’t afford to take that workshop”, “I can’t get traction on my business, because I have to take care of the kids”. Where are the true parts? Did you make it up? Are they excuses? The first step is to STOP with the stories and start telling the truth. What is it that you really want? What is real for you? Then start crafting a new story, the true story.

2-Ask for what you want

Many of us are not able to ask for what we want. We think we’re asking, but mostly, we are complaining, whining and criticizing others because we don’t have what we want-and we’ve never asked for it. Get clear on what you want, and make the request. Do you want your husband to do more around the house? Then ask him. Do you want your wife to be more supportive of your dreams? Then ask her. Do you need your neighbors to watch your kids for an hour a week? Then ask them. Many of us would rather complain and stay stuck than risk hearing a “no” from our request-so we never ask.

Just ask!

3-Take action

One of the ways to get yourself unstuck is to just get momentum going. Take massive action. Start moving forward, one step in front of the other. Not willy-nilly. Not without direction, but start making some decisions. Believe me, by just changing your story to your true story and begin asking for what you want-every time-you will already start to feel better, and start becoming unstuck.

Mandy works with talented, bright, high energy self employed professionals and very small businesses who struggle to market their business effectively, stretch their capacity and play a bigger game. And who would like to overcome their fear of sales, change their mindset, increase their self-confidence, and create a step-by-step strategy for taking their business to the next level. Mandy’s client’s receive proven, specific information on what they need to do to get more clients and grow their business. As a result, those who coach with Mandy increase their business, get more clients and make more money, faster and easier than they ever would have on their own. Mandy offers one-on-one coaching and consulting, as well as facilitates workshops and teleclasses and speaks on a variety of topics.

Get a copy of her free Cd “7 Productivity Secrets of Successful Entrepreneurs” at www.mandyschumaker.com. Or contact her at 207-653-6977

Are You a Three-Bagger?

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It’s no secret that I have high expectations of myself, my clients, my family and particularly my sons. I find myself more and more often in a conversation with my eight-year old that goes something like this: “Why can’t I wear sweatpants to school?” “Well, because I think sweatpants are for around the house or for sports practice.” “But everyone else wears them to school, why can’t I?” “Because I think school is a place where you show respect including dressing in a way that represents that, which is the same reason I don’t allow you to wear t-shirts with a lot of writing on them.” “That’s just a dumb rule and makes no sense, when everyone else does it.” “Well, I’m not responsible for everyone else, I’m responsible for you. And trust me; you don’t have to be like everyone else, in fact did you know that winners do things differently?”

And it’s true. Winners in fact, do, do things differently. Have you ever seen a three bagger at the grocery store? You can always find the bagger who puts everything into one bag, and sometimes there’s the bagger who organizes things into two bags. But have you ever seen a three bagger who can manage and organize your groceries among three different bags? They are rare-but I’ve seen them. And they are winners-willing to do what others aren’t willing to do. And do you think they are going to stay in that job very long as a three-bagger? Of course not! They are winners and will be promoted and have the opportunity to move along very quickly in their careers.

It’s a fact that successful entrepreneurs and top money earners are people who’ve decided to make it happen, regardless of the effort that was required. Because willingness is everything, doing whatever it takes to become a success. One of my favorite quotes is by John Assaraf, “If you are interested, you’ll do what’s convenient, if you’re committed, you’ll do whatever it takes.”

So as you think about your life or business, what have you NOT been willing to do in the past?How will you change that to reach your vision and full potential? Is how you are acting or behaving now, getting you closer to your big goals? If not, what are you willing to do, let go of, or act in spite of fear? Are you willing to move, to let go of someone or something? Willing to invest in yourself, willing to stretch beyond your comfort zone?

Think about it. Are you a one, two or three bagger?

Get a copy of her free Cd “7 Productivity Secrets of Successful Entrepreneurs” at www.mandyschumaker.com. Or contact her at 207-653-6977

Are You Committed, Or Just Interested?

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I recently heard a wonderful quote from John Asseraf: “If you’re interested, you’ll do what is convenient-if you’re committed you’ll do whatever it takes.” This quote really spoke to me. Many years ago, I struggled a long time as to whether I should have my own coaching business, but I always had a lot of excuses as to why I couldn’t or shouldn’t. It was fear talking. Then when I finally started my business seven years ago, looking back, it was clearly from an “interested” place. “Oh,” I’d say, “if this doesn’t work out, I can always go back to a corporate job”. Or I’d leave the backdoor open by always perusing the help wanted ads, or when someone called me with a potential position, I’d be so excited about the possibility and rush to send in my resume.

It was clear I wasn’t really committed. I hadn’t shut the back door and said to myself, “this is it, you need to do whatever it takes to make this thing work”. And it wasn’t until I got that mindset, and it took several years-that it finally did start working. I started getting referrals, more speaking engagements; my marketing became more in alignment with my niche.

Where are you in your business? So here are some things to think about:

What’s stopping you from doing whatever it takes? What is preventing you from “shutting” your back door and having a “do or die” approach to whatever it is you want to achieve? Whether it’s a promotion, starting your own business, changing jobs, careers-what is stopping you from totally committing to that vision? I found it was really important to answer this question. Identify the things that were blocking me. For me, it was fear of failing, and a need for approval from others close to me of what I was doing and creating. Once I realized, unless I was fully committed to my coaching and consulting business, I would indeed fail and that by not becoming fully committed, I would cause disapproval from loved ones around me. Only then was I able to start doing whatever it takes. Really take some time to answer this question for yourself, it’s so important.

How do you stay strong to what you believe in? This question reminds me of the Mary Oliver poem, The Journey:

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do.

You already know what you need to do to stay committed to your vision, but do you love yourself enough to allow it to happen?

Get the support you need. One of the best pieces of advice I received when I was struggling to decide should I keep working on building my business, or go “get a job”, was “don’t go it alone”. Find the support you need to stay true to your course. It is not always easy to follow our vision, or destiny, and it’s certainly not always supported by some of those closest to us. So it’s important to find someone – a friend, a mentor or coach to help hold that vision for us, through bleak days, long days and even the darkest of days.

Remember, when you find the destiny you were born for, all you need to bring is your honor, your courage and your commitment.

What Leadership Skills Could You Let Go Of?

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I have spent the last few weeks trying to convince my 3 1/2 and 7 year-olds that there are quite a few toys in our playroom that they probably no longer need and might want to consider giving away. Things they’ve outgrown, like the early ride-on toys, or the baby pushsticks and the baby walker. I’ve tried to explain that as we get bigger there’s certain toys and even behaviors that we can let go of, so we can make room for new toys and new behaviors that might fit much better where we are at a particular time. As you can imagine, none of these conversations have gone over very well with either of them. In fact, neither one is buying it and feel they need keep “everything we have” just for a little while longer. This conversation did get me reflecting about our own “toys” and behaviors as leaders that may have gotten us to a certain place or position within the organization. But are they still necessary in our current leadership roles or positions?

I remember what it was like when I was promoted into my first executive role, from regional sales manager to national manager at a Northeast metropolitan newspaper. The national manager’s role was considered part of the senior leadership team, and I was by far the youngest member of the group. At 27, I had risen fairly quickly in my career, this new position being the fourth promotion and fourth newspaper since embarking on my newspaper career. I share all this only to provide some context. I had risen to this postion primarily due to my independence, agressiveness and technical sales and managerial skills — skills I quickly learned were not as valued or useful in my new role.

One of the biggest challenges for me in my new position was that while I knew the expectations for my performance in this executive role were very high, it was difficult to get a handle on what exactly was expected of me. It seemed I was left to figure that out on my own, and that realization certainly came with a lot of frustration, stumbing blocks and quite frankly, egg on my face more times that I’d like to admit.

Collaborating with my peers, versus acting independently, was a lesson learned. My technical skills, while still important and valued, quickly took a back seat to new skills I needed to take on, such as becoming more strategically focused, coaching my team, and learning to communicate more broadly. I now had to look at the organization from the outside in, instead of from the inside out.

As Scott Eblin writes in his “must read” book on this subject, The Next Level: What Insiders Know About Executive Success:

“If success at the next level comes down to just one thing, it may be the art of strategic choice. Making the choice to pick up a new behavior or belief or to let go of one that is no longer serving you requires the capacity to step back and ask yourself, ‘Given what I’m trying to do or accomplish, is this serving me?’ The people who are most successful in dealing with change or navigating the uncharted terrain of the next level are those who choose to step back and get some strategic perspective on what is working and what isn’t. They then apply that perspective, not just to their career, but to their life as a whole.”

As coaches, we so often talk with our clients about what skills and certain types of behaviors might be missing from their toolkit. But today I urge you to take a look at what you might stop doing that doesn’t serve you anymore; something that is, in fact, detrimental to your success as a leader in your organization. What’s working for you and what isn’t. What early ride-on toys, baby sticks or walkers can you give up?

Five Ways to Better Leadership (entrepreneur.com)
The Next Level (leadershipfreak.wordpress.com)

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