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Stop Doing These 5 Things To Advance Your Goal

To get what you want, stop doing what isn’t working…
Dennis Weaver

Too often when we talk about goals, or intentions, or New Year’s resolutions, we just add a lot of things to our “to do” list. It’s no wonder that so often we get off-track or overwhelmed with our “things to accomplish” lists…sometimes even our bucket lists feel overwhelming. I’m convinced it’s because people don’t take the time to look at what they might stop doing. This may partially be a cultural thing, that when we stop doing something-it’s a sign of failure, or that we’re giving up, or perhaps we can’t “handle everything”-which is supposed to be a badge of honor in our society.

But I really encourage you to take a look at what’s no longer working for you in your life or business and stop doing those things.

Here’s a list of 4 things I compiled that have made my list for this year. I actually left the 5th one blank for you to add your own!

1-Stop hanging around negative people, including negative clients. You know those people who take more energy from you than give you energy. You know who they are, and by distancing yourself from them, you can start to spend time with those people in your life with a positive outlook on things. Trust me, you’ll find much greater energy from them.

2-Stop complaining. And start focusing on what’s working in your life, and what your grateful for. Extreme gratitude brings more goodness into our lives. Complaining just brings more wrinkles to your face! Live life from an abundant versus a scarcity perspective.

3-Stop checking your mobile device every 10 seconds (or at least between the hours of 6 pm and 8 am). Spend the time you gain talking to your kids, your spouse, and your partner. Let your brain rest from all the information you’ve put into it all day. This constant obsession with your phone takes you out of the present moment, trust me; you really miss a lot along the way!

4-Stop worrying so much about what everyone else is achieving, your looks and what everyone else thinks of you. Really, none of it matters at all. What matters is what you are achieving what YOU want to achieve, that you feel good about how you look and what you think of yourself!

5-Stop __fill in the blank___ What’s the one thing you’d like to add to this list that you will stop doing in 2012?

I’d love to know what you add to the list! Feel free to drop me an e-mail atmandy@mandyschumaker.com and let me know!

5 Proven Ways To Improve Your Happiness

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No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.

– Barbara de Angelis

Many of us spend hundreds upon thousands of dollars every year on books, CD’s, seminars, coaches, teleseminars etc to figure out how to be happier in our lives. Interestingly, there’s been very little research to date on what actually makes us happy. There’s a lot on what makes us unhappy, depressed, miserable, but those are certainly not places we aspire to.

There has however, been recent data on the ceiling of achievement of material comfort-which is around $75,000. More money a year, after that amount, has very little effect on your happiness.

But according to a new research study from Stanford and Wharton, the way you spend your time can make HUGE difference on your happiness quotient. These researchers looked at 60 academic studies and came up with five guidelines that anyone can use to increase their happiness.

1-Who You Spend Time With Matters. The research shows that by spending our time with the “right people”, generally family, friends and romantic partners, will increase our overall general happiness. Finding the people in our lives that “give us energy”, not “suck out our energy” are the “right people”. The research also shows that a predictor of happiness is how much substantive conversation we have in our lives. Small talk can make people unhappy and often times our lives have a disproportionate amount of small talk in it.

2-Increase your socially connecting activities. Are you connecting often with friends and family? And while there are certainly benefits to social media and on-line groups, socially connecting activities also means physically getting out with other people who enjoy the same activities and hobbies that you do.

Volunteering and focusing on other people’s issues and challenges, can improve our level of happiness as well. Look for organizations that mean something to you and see where you can offer your gifts and strengths.

3-Take time to daydream. Research has shown the part of the brain responsible for pleasure can be activated just by thinking about something pleasant. For example, vacation planning is something some people enjoy more than the vacation itself. Memory is also important to happiness, because it takes a past event or experience and allows us to “expand” its worth into the future.

4-Be in the present moment. Focusing on the “here and now” slows down the perceived passage of time, allowing us to feel less rushed. One study showed that people who were asked to breath slowly, taking long and slow breaths (versus short quick ones) for five minutes, helped them feel there was more time available to get things done, and gave the perception that the days are longer.

Pay or barter with people to do the chores you dislike. Tasks that we choose to do and like make us happier than the obligatory tasks. If you can afford to hire someone to do the things around the house that you dislike i.e. cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, then do so, and take the time you “bought” to do something enjoyable. If you don’t have the money-see if you might barter or trade with someone, something you like to do for something you don’t like to do. Maybe child care for house cleaning, baking bread or cooking some meals for something else. Be creative.

5-How old you are effects the way you experience happiness. The younger generations tend to measure happiness by excitement, but the older generations tend to associate happiness with peacefulness. Younger people get more happiness from spending time with interesting new people, while older people get more enjoyment from spending time with close friends and family.

My hope is that some of these will inspire you to look at the way you think and spend your time and perhaps make some changes that will increase your happiness quotient!

It’s Time to Turn Up The Heat!!

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“At 211 degrees, water is hot. At 212 degrees, it boils. And with boiling water, comes steam. And with steam, you can power a train. Just one extra degree can make all the difference.”
Unknown

As we approach the end of the year, and things start to feel overwhelming with all we need to do to: finishing up our plans and projects for our business, getting ready for the holidays, and starting to look ahead at the New Year in terms of planning, strategies and tactics, this video is a great reminder to all of us how a small amount of extra effort and attention and focus can have a big impact on our results!

httpsv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpJQqzJj534&feature=youtu.be

Are You Celebrating Your Successes?

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“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”

Oprah Winfrey

I had the opportunity to catch up this week with my friend, Tania, who I had met several months ago at an event in Florida. She and I had each chosen different coaches to begin working with in the fall and periodically connected with one another to compare notes on our progress with our businesses. When I spoke with Tania this week, I took the opportunity to bring her up to speed on things in my business. While I shared some of the successes I’d had in the past couple of months, I mostly focused on the things I hadn’t gotten to yet. Things that I had hoped to complete before year’s end. She immediately picked up on this and said, “Have you made a list of all the successes you’ve had since we met four months ago?” I mumbled something like, “no, not really”. And she said, “Well, you need to, because I can’t believe the things you’ve accomplished, and I’m so impressed!”

Tania made me realize (and I did sit down and make my list) how important it is to stop and celebrate the things we are doing right. To acknowledge the things that are working in our business. The accomplishments and successes we have achieved.Celebrating success is a way of building self esteem, joy and optimism.

Here are some suggestions you might want to consider:

1-Make a list of all of your successes in 2011. Take the time to sit with your list and read it! Feel good about all that you did do and accomplished in the last year.

2-Share the list with at least three people. Other people like to hear success stories and enjoy being part of something good. Share your success with others!

3-Start keeping a daily list of your successes-keep these in a success journal. Then next year it won’t be so challenging to think of all of your successes-you’ll have them right in your book!

4-Reach out to thank everyone who supported you: Customers, employees, family members, friends, community etc. This is a great way to celebrate!

5-Treat yourself to something really nice-that’s meaningful to you. Whether it’s something expensive, a vacation or spa treatment, or an afternoon to yourself-take the time to rest on your laurels!

And by the way, CONGRATULATIONS for all you’ve accomplished this year! Great job!

How To Quit Your Negative Self-Talk

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“When you judge yourself, you break your own heart.”

Unknown

This week, in working with one of my new clients, I noticed how negatively she spoke about herself. In a meeting with her supervisors and myself, she said, “I know I’m really stupid on this kind of stuff, but I’m going to really try and learn it”. Then she said, “I’m such an idiot when it comes to networking and I’m so bad at it that I really don’t even want to try”.

It was so painful and sad for us to hear her speak about herself this way. But I realized that I often hear my friends, family members and clients say things like this about themselves. And certainly I have been prone to it as well. You know, the negative self talk about our hair, weight, body image, etc.

The things we sometimes say to ourselves is appalling. In fact, if someone spoke to our children and said to them the things we said to ourselves-we would want to do bodily harm to that person!

We are very careful about what we say to others, but when it comes to ourselves we are not so conscious of the things we say. Negative self talk does not make things better. In fact, it impedes problem solving, distorts perceptions and can affect personal relationships.

Here are some types of irrational thinking that can form the basis for negative self-talk:

1-Generalizations. When we assume when one thing goes wrong for us, everything is wrong about us. Because we might have received some constructive feedback from our boss in an area of our job, doesn’t mean that our entire performance is a problem.

2-Ignoring the positive. When we reject, ignore, discount or minimize our positive contributions and just focus on the negative. “Oh, that positive piece of feedback doesn’t really matter because it was just a little project”.

3-Should statements. When we’re making “should” and “shouldn’t” statements, we are assuming there is only one right way to get things done.

4-Jumping to conclusions. “Oh, he didn’t call me last night, so he must be upset with me”

5-Blaming. Instead of looking for a solution to a problem or taking personal responsibility, we look to blame others.

The good news is it is possible to reverse negative self talk and replace it with positive talk. Listen to what you are saying to yourself. Is what you are saying to yourself true? Some psychologists believe that forcefully saying to yourself, “STOP” or “That isn’t me”, can help stop the string of negative self talk. Other ways is to replace the negative self-talk with more objective, positive thoughts and input such as:

Listening to upbeat music
Reading motivational books
Being around positive people
Recognize your strengths
Keep a journal-note what kind of language and words you use-are they positive or negative?
Use daily affirmations-these can be VERY effective

Remember, what we most often tell ourselves becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Unknown

The Power of Gratitude

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If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily. ~Gerald Good

I grew up in a family who constantly reminded us to, “COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!” As a kid, it is difficult sometime to focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have. I feel I constantly struggle with this one with my own children, who after opening 10 Christmas gifts will say, “Is that all?”, or “How come we didn’t get a Wi?”

But recently, because I’ve struggled so much with this issue with my children, I’ve decided the struggle is there as an opportunity for me from which to learn. And what I’ve learned is that I want to model better behavior for my children and others around me, to come more often from a place of gratitude-even in the face of adversity.

Through my gratitude practice (under full disclosure-not yet perfected) I’ve found that by being grateful for ALL the things I do have, the opportunities that are before me, (often disguised as something else), the cards I’ve been dealt, the adversities I face, that:

It makes me feel better about myself and what previously was a difficult situation
Things feel more abundant-like I have what I need in the moment
I feel more peaceful and am more patient with my family and friends
I’m a more effective coach
I’m able to see the beauty in the present moment

Scientifically, a regular gratitude practice or grateful thinking can increase your happiness by as much as 25 percent. Also, by keeping a gratitude journal for as little as three weeks, studies have shown that you will sleep better and have more energy.

What are some steps you might take if you’d like to start incorporating more gratitude in your life?

1-Say “thank you”. Who in your life needs to hear this from you more often?

2-Write a thank you note or card. Again, who in the past year has done something for you that you are so grateful for, but they may not know it?

3-Start a gratitude journal. Write down 5 things you are grateful for everyday. It’s best to do this the same time everyday, either in the morning or in the evening.

4-Spend some time everyday in nature-there is nothing that can spark gratitude more quickly than being in the great outdoors. Whether it’s a beautiful sunset, moon, leaves on the trees, on the ground-whatever you’re drawn to-express your gratitude.

5-Forgive one person. Who in your past that you are still holding a grudge with, can you forgive, and try to see there are some things for which you can feel appreciation or gratitude? Perhaps it’s a family member or friend. See if it’s possible to get in touch with ways they have loved you or supported you which you can find gratitude for.

By counting your blessings and being grateful for what happens to you, you will experience more blessings in your life, for which to be grateful. This simple principle and practice has the power to change your life!

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. ~Cynthia Ozick

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